It’s almost impressive how quickly I Don’t Understand You betrays its own heart. The film spends its first act carefully building empathy for Dom and Cole, a married gay couple on a romantic getaway in Italy, nervously preparing for adoption—inviting us to invest in their relationship and root for the family they’re starting to build—only to pull the rug out and turn them into destroyers of families instead. The couple is welcomed by a lovable elderly woman who makes them the best pizza in Italy and treats them with nothing but warmth. But after an initial accident, the film has its protagonists not only hiding their involvement—but eventually killing people to cover their tracks. The shift is both shockingly mean-spirited and deeply hypocritical. Oh, but it’s all played for laughs, and apparently excused because the victims are Italians who don’t speak perfect English (despite their English being far better than the Americans’ Italian). Dom and Cole become insufferable—self-absorbed, reckless, and ultimately remorseless—as they begin murdering innocent, genuinely kind people. There’s a space where dark humor can thrive, but killing an elderly woman who had only shown them generosity—and not even calling for help—goes well beyond it. The film suggests it’s somehow acceptable to trample over others so this couple can still walk away with a child and a smile.
What’s most frustrating is that the film actually starts on relatively solid ground. The first act works well enough—draggy, yes, but character-focused. It explores the couple’s anxieties, their subtle disconnects, and their differing attitudes toward the adoption process. There’s even a glimmer of warmth and humanity, especially in their brief scene with Amanda Seyfried, who gives a genuinely touching performance in her five minutes of screen time. But once the language-barrier humor kicks in, it all goes downhill fast. The bulk of the comedy hinges on one tired gag: Italians speaking in circles while the Americans nod blankly or repeat themselves louder and slower. And because we’re reading subtitles, we understand everything the protagonists don’t—making the joke fall flat. It’s not funny watching two arrogant tourists shout at kind locals who don’t conform to their expectations. The repetition becomes unbearable. Jokes rarely evolve. Cultural misunderstandings are stretched thin. And then, the film takes its darkest turn.
As Dom and Cole escalate their behavior to protect themselves, the film leans harder into cruelty under the guise of “dark comedy.” But there’s no commentary here, no satirical bite—just violence and selfishness dressed up as quirky horror. The more these characters harm others, the more the film seems to ask us to find them flawed-but-lovable. It’s insulting. It’s especially baffling given that the filmmakers—drawing from their own experiences as a married gay couple—choose to present this behavior as not only forgivable but somehow heroic. There’s no guilt, no introspection, no reckoning. Just a disturbing expectation that we laugh along and then feel good about their so-called happy ending.
Even on a technical level, the film struggles. Predictable slapstick moments—like a stuck car inevitably spraying mud—play out exactly as expected. The tone is erratic, the pacing uneven, and the comic beats repeat without variation. As someone who has spent real time navigating different cultures and languages, I found the portrayal of miscommunication not just unrealistic, but borderline offensive. Real language barriers require humility, patience, and creative effort—not shouting the same phrase louder and treating people like roadblocks.
I Don’t Understand You wants to be edgy and heartfelt at once, but it fails on both counts. It strips its protagonists of empathy and decency, turns its supporting characters into one-note caricatures, and mistakes selfishness for charm. By the end, it’s hard to remember what you were supposed to care about in the first place—let alone why these two deserve to start a family. I walked in curious, and walked out repelled.